i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
There r osticjed everywhere
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
