living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
