her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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