I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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