um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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