Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
