I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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