im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
