For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
