i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
