Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
