i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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