My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Small penises have feelings too.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
