it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
