Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
