Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
