Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
whose ass print is on the piano?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
