We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
