Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
