I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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