Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
