so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
