I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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