Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
