I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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