We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
