I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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