Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
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some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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