I just saw a hot homeless man
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
