she told me i tasted like america
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
