Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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