youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
