4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
