so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
