so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
