I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
