is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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