Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
