Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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