He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
