I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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