My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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