You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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