If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
