woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
