she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
