too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
