do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
