She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I can text with my tongue
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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