I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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