the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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